The Burning Cold - Part 5

My Dearest Love,

I went out last night - to a Halloween party. It was painfully awkward as I realized just how socially stunted I have become. Most of the people there (if not all) were couples. Most were in our age range. Several knew me from a couple of lifetimes ago - back in the days when you and I met. One of them remembered you from your first marriage.

It was hard to talk. I didn't know what to say. I stood in a corner in the kitchen for much of the time, just like I did that night in the bar with all of the Hell's Angels. I remember thinking how shocked these people of last night would be - the lawyers, the college administrators, the social workers - to be compared to Hell's Angels. I was a pathetic partyer.

I had a couple of glasses of wine and snuck out early without saying goodbye to the host. When I got home, I opened the second bottle of wine I bought for the party and had one more glass as I stared at the bedroom walls. The house was completely quiet. Our children were off pursuing their own lives. Just me and the old dog who was snoring on her blanket.

I didn't start this post to complain about my social life. In fact, last night was nothing to complain about. I went out to a party for the first time in my new role as a widower and I found out how "creaky" I had become. All of my social skills had atrophied over the long period of our quarantine. Last night was a small crack in the shell that I hope to widen as time goes on. I don't want to be a hermit, though I feel safe here in my shell.

What I really wanted to tell you about was that this rift with your sisters may have a solution, or a hope of a solution at any rate.

You see, I had lunch with one of your very best friends last week and I told her of my problem and asked for her counsel. She, like you, is wise in the ways of people and I had hoped that she might help me see this thing from a perspective that might have a little bit of you it it. It was a nice lunch and very helpful for me.

One of the conclusions I arrived at after the lunch was that my desire to meet with only one of your sisters, the one I had the original conflict with, was misguided and would ultimately, only result in further strife and division of the group. If your youngest sister and I were able to resolve our difficulties, where would that leave her vis-a-vis your other sister? No, I decided that we would all have to meet at once.

That left me with the problem of balance. How would I deal with your two sisters, who were definitely upset with me, and your best friend, who was neutral? What would be the play of social dynamics? The answer, I hope, is the addition of an outside, professional facilitator who's role will be to help this fractured group, process their problems and reach resolution in a way that will allow everyone to maintain dignity and be able to go forward and work together for the good of the family.

This idea was put forward as a suggestion to the other three people immediately involved. I am happy to say that all three were supportive and willing to proceed. The problem now is scheduling. Your youngest sister is out of town on business for the next two weeks, so it looks like it will be a while before we can actually come to grips with this. Perhaps that will work to our advantage in that some more of the "heat" may leak out of us with the passing of time.

We shall see, but I will say that I am tired of this. It is a lot of work to go this route alone.

With love,

D.