Dreams

My Dearest Love,

I dreamt of you last night for the first time since you left me. I was wondering when this would happen. I thought it strange that I would not dream of you - you, who were such a part of my existence.

In the dream, you did things, and suffered things that were both in keeping with your personality and completely opposed. Of course, it was not you directing things buy my own wet-ware firing its synapses in whatever progression that it does when my consciousness is not present to direct it.

I awoke this morning glad that you had come to me in the night, even though it was a strange dream. You fell while rollerblading, as you once did when we rented skates and went around the popular lake trail so many years ago. In my dream, after you fell, someone called a "medic" type and he (a large bruising chap) made you remove your pants and pull your knees up to your chest, and spent his time examining parts of you that were not obviously damaged. What's up with that I wondered.

Dreams are so strange. For the longest time after you left, I did not dream that I can remember. Perhaps it is the little pills I take at night. They used to make me feel so sleepy fairly quickly and knocked me out for six or seven hours. Now, it is like I don't take them at all. I don't feel the effect and I often wake about 4 AM, only to doze on and off after that. I don't remember any dreams during most of that time. Of course, the drugs do induce a chemical amnesia that would explain my lack of memory, but last night I took them as usual and you visited me anyway and I remembered in the morning. Changes.

Are you looking in on us? Do you know your son has a new squeeze? Remember the family that moved in behind us in the old neighborhood? One of their children is a classmate of our son. Lately, they have been an "item." For one weekend recently, they were inseparable. Last Sunday, our boy spent the afternoon and evening at the state fair with her, playing and working the Saint's booth. More changes.

Your daughter asked me today if it was OK to see a "shrink." She must finally be trying to process the emotions related to A) your passing, B) child-to-adult transitions, C) boys, D) who knows. Just that she asked about it is a good sign I think. Now to find someone she can talk to. Changes.

If you are looking in, you probably know more than me. If that is not the case, I will write as I can with updates. I miss you and love you. I am very horny however and will no doubt do something you would have found inappropriate were you still to be here. Hope you are OK with that.

With all my love,

D.