The Burning Cold - Part 3

Part 2 here

My Dearest Love,

As I set out in Parts 1 and 2, I had planned on leaving town to meet someone who has grown to be a significant part of this new life I am starting out on. Your sisters agreed to take over the family for the few days I would be gone, but they were not happy with the reason for my leaving. At the last minute, that trip was canceled and I went to see my parents instead.

Upon returning home, I immediately went head-to-head with both kids, which resulted in hurt feelings and strained relationships. I hoped for a better start on Monday.

One of the things that I did on Sunday before everything fell apart was to call your youngest sister. Every since our meeting with the lawyer the week before, she seemed unhappy and preoccupied. I was not able to reach her on Sunday, but left a voice-mail explaining that I could tell that something was bothering her and I wanted to talk to her about that.

She called back just before noon on Monday. What followed was totally unexpected. When I asked her if there was something troubling her, she said yes, and that it was more than just one thing. She then proceeded to tell me a long list of things I had done, or was doing that she found issue with. I won’t go into details here, but it included lying during the meeting with the attorney, lying to our children about money, whining on the CB website about the lack of money, and fostering a continuing level of anger in our household and refusing to do anything about it.

She also accused me of not appreciating her efforts on our traditional Monday night get-togethers. She said that I refused to help her prepare the meal, that with all of the free time I had during the day I should be able to do more.

Finally, she said that I showed no appreciation for the service she did us when she spent time with our children while I was gone. That I did not provide food for their use and that I had no right to get angry when I came home to find no milk in the refrigerator.

I have to admit that as this went on, my internal temperature started to rise and by the time she got to the milk thing, I was close to boiling. I wish with all my heart that I could have listened to all of this and responded with words of cool compassion, perhaps allowing us to address each other’s feelings in a rational and adult manner. I did not do that, however.

Instead, my inner child, hurt and angry, responded for me by telling her of a point of contention written down on my side of the ledger.

While I was gone, your two sisters went through our closet and picked out some of your clothes to take to NY for your birthday celebration. I was not unhappy that they wished to take some of you along for the party, but I was upset that they rummaged through our things without asking first and I said that to your sister.

By now, we were both so emotionally charged up that further discussion was impossible. I ended the phone call before I said anything more that I might regret.

I can’t recall the last time I felt so distressed. I was walking around the house talking to myself alternately railing at my own stupidity and then at the accusations that I felt to be so unfair. It is not that there were not seeds of truth at the heart of all of them, but the way they were presented to me took the form of embellishment and twisted perspective. As I was mentally defending myself on each count, I suddenly felt all of the muscles in my lower back tighten in a spasm that left me bent over and gasping.

The next several hours represented a new low for me. Not only was the relationship with your younger sister on the rocks, but two hours after our phone exchange, I received an email from your other sister who proceeded to tear me a “new one” in writing. The two sisters apparently went over my list of deficiencies and reached a unanimous verdict with the defendant absent from the proceedings.

That is how things stood as they left for New York, on your birthday, to celebrate your memory. They are still there and I have heard nothing, which is good, I think.

We all need some space in which to cool down, but how this will be patched up, I do not know. But we will need to find a way for the children’s sake. In many ways, I feel married to your two sisters. They are a legal part of our household now through the directives of your will. They have fiduciary roles to play. They will be participating in the decisions that will be made relative to the welfare of the family. And they are totally pissed at me. Not good. Not good at all.