Upcoming Dilemma
My Dearest Love,
What am I going to do about Christmas? You were the angel, the tree, the presents, the wrapping, the bows. You were IT.
I don't think I can be here this Christmas. I can't make it be the same. This was always your holiday, your spirit filling the house, inspiring your children to do the decorations. You were always done with your shopping early, knew just what to get everyone.
You know my heart was never in it. It has no religious meaning for me and I hate the commercialism that has infested the whole pre-season period. To me, it is a cynical greedfest encouraged by merchants trying to make a buck.
I don't want to be here this year. I don't want to wake up and miss the glow in your eyes when you hear the children sneaking around and dumping out their stockings. I don't want to sit around a dead tree and take one fewer turns at opening our presents. I don't want any of it. But your son does.
Joe doesn't want to go anywhere over the holiday. He wants everything to be the same, which of course it can never be.
I am torn. I don't know what to do.
Your Love,
D.
What am I going to do about Christmas? You were the angel, the tree, the presents, the wrapping, the bows. You were IT.
I don't think I can be here this Christmas. I can't make it be the same. This was always your holiday, your spirit filling the house, inspiring your children to do the decorations. You were always done with your shopping early, knew just what to get everyone.
You know my heart was never in it. It has no religious meaning for me and I hate the commercialism that has infested the whole pre-season period. To me, it is a cynical greedfest encouraged by merchants trying to make a buck.
I don't want to be here this year. I don't want to wake up and miss the glow in your eyes when you hear the children sneaking around and dumping out their stockings. I don't want to sit around a dead tree and take one fewer turns at opening our presents. I don't want any of it. But your son does.
Joe doesn't want to go anywhere over the holiday. He wants everything to be the same, which of course it can never be.
I am torn. I don't know what to do.
Your Love,
D.
Copyright ©2003-2007 Phaedrous
posted by Phaedrous at 8:58 PM
1 Comments:
I don't know if I'm supposed to comment here or not...no one else has. I have no answers for you, only that I have such vivid memories of the first Thanksgiving just after my mother took her own life...we kept the tradition that we had had when she celebrated with us, but in retrospect, I wish we had changed and celebrated in a totally different way...in her honor. Finally, we did break with tradition and it felt so much better. That was over 20 years ago. I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds, just wanting to reach out with a ((hug)). I also found that instead of buying tons of plastic "stuff" at Christmas , I buy tons of food and take it to needy families...like to the grandmother who was raising 6 of her daughters' children. It felt good to help someone else. Maybe son could find a way to celebrate as his mom might want him to do. A type of pay it forward Christmas.
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